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Wednesday, January 07, 2009
(The Sun) Obvious Women in their 40s say they're having the best sex of their lives now that they've gotten past their youthful inhibitions, wear ankle-length peasant skirts and Birkenstocks and no longer give a damn what they look like (20)
(Abc.net.au) Dumbass If you are going to drive, without a license, down the highway at 147 km/h and film yourself masturbating, you probably shouldn't also carry marijuana plants in the back seat, along with a loaded rifle (18)
(Spare change?) Photoshop Theme: How cartoon characters are handling the recession (97)
(Daily Star) Unlikely It's so cold in Britain that even the penguins are staying indoors (22)
(Reuters) Amusing Smoking ban forces French to surrender their Gitanes in cafes -- but they vow you'll apply deodorant only to their cold, dead armpits (15)
(kare11) Weird Dog sled race cancelled. Reason? Too much snow (18)
(PhysOrg.com) Sad Women who smoke while pregnant more likely to produce agressive offspring, subjects of Fark headlines (47)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When the bouncer at a no smoking club tells you to put out your cigarette, the correct response is not setting fire to the "Not Smoking" sign (73)
(The Consumerist) Obvious Of course I only eat organic food. I'm going to live forever, dude. Ammonium whatate? (81)
(First Coast News) Florida Congressman asks House Speaker Pelosi to close Congress early so he can watch college championship game Thursday (71)

Tuesday, January 06, 2009
(9 News) Interesting There are only two possible explanations for a Colorado man winning the lottery 21 separate times in 13 short months (74)
(CNN) Obvious Pentagon refuses to award Purple Heart to PTSD victims. Still considering whether or not to award it to UAV pilots who get shot down (114)
(AZCentral) Obvious Mesa, that "hot bed of celibacy", is ranked the most boring city in the US (102)
(AP) Dumbass Woman who vandalized ex-boyfriend's apartment tells him that he cannot prove that she did it, which might have been true had she not posted a picture of the damage on her Myspace page (58)
(Wilmington News-Journal) Misc Sweet 16 party ends with sweet 30 person chair fight (47)
(MSNBC) Silly Overwatering your lawn in L.A. is now on the list of offenses cops will shoot you on sight for (52)
(Some Guy) Cool The best billboard advertising collection you'll see today on one page (49)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop the General (60)
(SLTrib) Strange Woman spends more than a day stuck inside a large cold-air-return vent in her home. Detective McClane made it look so much easier (32)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Scary Father of the year candidate uses two daughters to lure dudes to their house (at Knob Court), beat them up and threaten them with statutory rape charges (with bonus mugshot goodness) (109)
(TimesDaily) Obvious Study finds the South is the most common area for natural disaster deaths, fails to mention it also the most common area for trailer parks (43)
(Daily Mail) Stupid In another great move that will only make the next generation more independent and confident in their own decisions, parents can now track their children's movement via a GPS locator watch (122)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious Remember that study that said teens taking virginity pledges have just as much sex as other teens? Nice work all around, except that it's completely untrue (242)
(News.com.au) Scary There is no sugar for your coffee. Do you say: A) 'I'll do without', B) 'I'll drink something else', C) 'I AM A STABBING ROBOT' (63)
(Metro) Amusing Dumbest insurance claims filed by homeowners, including the guy who put in a claim for a new bed because he wore out his old one by having too much sex in it (51)
(TSP) Stupid Someone stole 320 bras from an Indiana Victoria's Secret. Won't someone please think of the first post? (114)
(Ocregister) Interesting Woman stores 10k in box of crackers, mistakenly returns it to the store, which puts it back on the shelf and sells it to an honest lady. Which brings the question: Who returns crackers? (101)
(Seacoastonline.com) Cool Think your job is rough? Check out this power company lineman working from the skids of a hovering helicopter (58)
(CBS New York) Strange Forget the strange odor, New Jersey police are baffled by bizarre, UFO-like objects hovering in the sky (90)
(CNN) Obvious For much of the country's history, the Secret Service didn't even drive the president, evidently oblivious to the dangers of asteroids (87)
(WPTZ) Weird Today's thing you should not try to eat: Police cars (31)
(Jalopnik) Amusing Dutch Oven Ave, Big Beaver Rd, Kaka St and 29 more of the world's funniest street signs (198)
(MSNBC) Obvious Best Buy lures iPhone purchasers with lower priced used models, with nude pics of previous owner intact (92)
(NJ.com) Amusing Pair of deer bring themselves in for show and tell at elementary school (19)
(The Register Citizen) Scary New mom celebrates birth of child by bringing newborn to local bar and breastfeeding while getting smashed. Forced sterilization tag unavailable (114)
(CSMonitor) Interesting North Carolina newspaper flourishes by only running mugshots and rap sheets of local criminals - and the biggest complaint its publisher gets is from perps complaining their photos didn't get printed (35)
(Telegraph) Unlikely Why wearing a wig is the most fashionable thing to do right now. This is not a repeat from 1675 (75)
(Some Virginian) Scary Six-year-old misses school bus, decides now is as good a time as any to take the family car out for a spin (51)
(Onion AV Club) Obvious 14 things that should have been left the hell alone. New Coke gets a bad rap, there I said it (138)
(UPI) Interesting Check out the largest rack ever recorded for a non-typical American (261)
(Some Farm Fresh Guy) Interesting 24 Things about to become extinct. #10 The Milkman? Are they still around? Oh, wait a minute, the link is from Iowa. That explains the crank telephone entry as well (125)
(Deus Ex Malcontent) Amusing Some of the stupidest things in 2008: #8 CNN's Farking Hologram Technology (114)
(News.com.au) Silly 80-year-old woman banned from driving until the year 3000 (w/confused pic) (86)
(First Coast News) Florida Those headaches you've been having for the past three years could have been caused by many things, but I'm going with the 3 inch knife blade the hospital left in your head (37)
(AJC) Dumbass Woman calls 911 to have police arrest her after reading a newspaper story that said she was wanted for scamming a couple out of $300,000 (34)
(Newsweek) Scary What your Homeland Security travel file may look like (69)
(Reuters) Hero Judge warns 19-year-old street racer about what he can expect in prison: "You'll find big, ugly, hairy strong men (in jail) who've got faces only a mother could love that will pay a lot of attention to you -- and your anatomy" (219)
(Reuters) Silly Brazilian towns are having a Christ-measuring contest. Jesus (27)
(Aint-It-Cool-News) Photoshop Photoshop Wolverine at Bathtime (49)
(CBS 47) Hero Nine-year-old boy rescues little girl from attacking pit bull with jujitsu choke hold (297)
(Some Guy) Misc Portland, OR police are looking for missing robot, missing robot is looking for Sarah Connor (32)
(Guardian.com) Dumbass Abu Ghraib idiot Lynndie England, free but still stupid: "In New York..people say there's apartments there where people pay $1,500 a month for something smaller than a trailer. We only pay $200. And they look down on us" (293)
(IndyStar) Obvious IndyStar readers lose their minds as paper drops decades-old Daily Prayer, called "a short ecumenical petition that is prayer at its most vanilla" (111)
(AJC) Unlikely Cash-strapped school system asks teachers to voluntarily return the pay raises they received last Spring (75)
(News.com.au) Stupid Not sure what's worse, leaving a newborn baby with strangers at an airport, or being "suspended" because of it (27)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Not content with unconstitutional "DUI checkpoints", Florida troopers plan to pull people over for no reason at all (203)
(UPI) Obvious Canadian marooned in dunes of Khartoum since June, swoons for loons and Saskatoon (44)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Scary CIA has to help Britain monitor its Muslim terrorist suspects because the nation has so damn many and is too swamped to do it alone (69)
(wndu.com) Spiffy 70-year old woman holds robber at gunpoint. Money quote: "Don't mess with the gray haired people" (31)
(ABC News) Interesting Chronology of Israel's relationship with Gaza: "Get up in the morning, death, death, death, death, death, death, death - lunch- death, death, death -afternoon tea - death, death, death - quick shower..." (354)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Strange 35 years after being shot, man dies from bullet wound (43)
(CNN) Obvious UN: "Please don't blow up elementary schools we've designated as shelters." Israel: "PEWPEWPEW" (410)
(Nola.com) Scary Man throws new roommate a welcoming party, Cheney-style (22)
(Guardian.com) Unlikely Wow, your Grandma can really shred: "The success of Guitar Hero means that the onus is now on the manufacturers of 'real' guitars to make them easier" (284)
(AP) Weird Cross-dressing doctor who murdered his wife is found, well, hung (38)
(FARK) PSA Fark 10th Anniversary Party - Lexington KY Feb 13th. Details in link if you're on Facebook, in thread if you're not (111)
(London Times) Obvious Restaurant brings Chicago-style ribs to Britain and the critics rave about the American delicacy: "This is, to put it simply, just so you don't forget, terribly bad food. And it's terribly bad food from the bad past." (432)
(Some Guy) Obvious The problem with promising your kids you'll buy a toy store if you win the lottery is you might actually win the lottery. Then your kids can discover adults lie (bonus use of word 'gobsmacked') (33)
(Metro) Weird Apparently "balancing on a giant bamboo pole" falls under the category of traditional firefighting skills in Japan (35)
(AP) Spiffy Liar's Club has 2,000,000,000 members, and costs $1,000,000 to join and Jon Lovitz is the President (76)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Upside down and pantsless is no way to ride a ski lift, son. With hilarious photo goodness, of course(Not safe for work) (182)
(New Zealand Herald) Interesting Kiwi selling strawberries finds herself in a pickle when a crab apple tells her to produce cash, jewelry and cell phone. Lettuce hope it never happens again (29)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Vicar takes down crucifixion sculpture deemed to be "horrifying depiction of pain and suffering" because it scared worshippers. Just figured that out now, did you? (119)
(Canada.com) Interesting After rash of heart attacks and severe fractures, hot physiotherapist shows Canadians how to shovel snow without injuring themselves (73)
(Guardian.com) Interesting British Atheists raise enough money to put anti-God statements on 800 more buses, which will no doubt convert as many people as "Jesus is my co-pilot" bumper stickers do (619)
(NYPost) Obvious Heavy drinking might be responsible for more sexual HIV transmission than illicit drugs, according to a new study by the Department of the Obvious (52)
(The Register Citizen) Obvious Rip Torn charged with DUI in Connecticut. This is not a repeat of 2004 and 2007. With mugshot goodness (93)
(Some Guy) Followup Japan still conducting vital research into why whales die when they're harpooned, skinned and gutted (85)
(Washington Times) Interesting Gas prices are lower than they were when Bush took office. Wait, what? (146)
(BBC) Amusing Motorcyclists in Nigeria adopt to country's new mandatory helmet laws by wearing pumpkins on their heads (90)
(News.com.au) Asinine Fat bottom girls make the rocking world go 'round, are healthier than pear shaped ones (215)
(Boston Herald) Obvious Man stops to ask for directions, is never heard from again. This is why we don't (80)
(Canoe) Caption Caption this cheeky monkey (63)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Followup Man receives $240,000 in compensation after being forced to cover Arabic t-shirt at airport because it was like "wearing a T-shirt at a bank stating, 'I am a robber.'" (208)
(Fox News) Interesting Adding insult to injury for Patriots fans, Hugo Chavez stops sending free heating oil to Boston (61)
(News.com.au) Unlikely "Dear Obama, Australia is killing the planet. Sincerely, NASA" (295)
(Springfield News-Leader) Amusing Today's 17 year old who slipped out of his handcuffs & stole the police car is brought to you by the Springfield (Missouri) PD (49)
(Google) Spiffy Who is interested in a Fark party in Europe this year? Please feel free to suggest time of year and location. LGT Google Group (117)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Nanny State parents abandoning traditional fairy tales because making Cinderella do housework is sexist and "dwarf" isn't PC. Tossers (151)
(This Is Local London) Interesting Fire at London cannabis factory ties up 300 firefighters and 35 pizza delivery boys for several hours (33)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this working woman (42)
(Metro) Dumbass As God is my witness, I thought dogs could hold their drink (65)
(LA Times) Sad Free public access cable channels are going away. All I have to say about that is "asphinctersayswhat" (103)
(Yahoo) Sad Four-year-old victim of America's gun culture shoots his babysitter for stepping on his foot (353)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Pakistani woman given political asylum because she's 7'2" and fears persecution. That's a tall tale (90)
(Breitbart.com) Followup This week on "CSI: Paw Paw": CSI's crack investigators need only three weeks to figure out that the heart found in a local car wash belonged to a deer, not a human (59)
(Breitbart.com) Scary Stuff you don't want to find when sorting through your grandfather's belongings: 1. Pictures of a mistress. 2. Adoption papers. 3. A live mortar shell (81)
(Some Guy) Scary A giant peach wasn't the only thing to drop in Atlanta on New Year's Eve (50)
(Daily Mail) Scary Why dirt-cheap hotels like Travelodge are exactly that, with filthy toilets, stained mattresses and bedding a wino wouldn't sleep on (205)

Monday, January 05, 2009
(Reuters) Interesting Gas prices up for the first time in 16 weeks. EVERYBODY PANIC (98)
(Dlisted) Photoshop Photoshop Joaquin Phoen.......Oh holy hell (81)
(WFTV) Florida If you're going to steal electricity from the power company, it's best not to decorate your house with the brightest Christmas lights in the neighborhood (37)
(ABC27) Scary If someone pushes a baby carriage out in front of your car, don't stop -- it's probably a robbery attempt (53)
(UPI) Silly University dean hopes to embiggen the English language through Web site aimed at keeping "good" but rarely used words in the public lexicon. How perfectly cromulent of him (93)
(BBC) Obvious Females are less physically active than males. Unless there's a sale on shoes  T-Shirt (106)
(Rocky Mountain News) Strange Soldier may have been looking for a Cheesburger in Paradise, but Come Monday, he was dead after a bar fight over a Jimmy Buffet song  T-Shirt (74)
(SFGate) Scary After California police officers accidentally make unarmed man lie face down on the floor and accidentally handcuff him, one of them accidentally draws his gun and accidentally shoots the guy in the back (693)
(UPI) Dumbass With an average monthly income of $17 Raul Castro says Cubans can now build their own homes with their own money (55)
(The New York Times) Scary That strawberry yogurt you're eating has a bug in it. No, really. But the FDA doesn't really require that anyone tell you that (166)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Hey, four-eyes. A top expert says that teasing at school is a normal part of life and should not be stopped. You got that, brace face? (113)
(NJ.com) Interesting Billy Mays and the other TV pitchmen are cleaning up better than a sheet of ShamWow during these tough economic times. This story is free - all you have to pay is a shipping and processing charge (437)
(wxiatv.com) Amusing The City of Atlanta is tackling its crack problems by making it illegal "to expose one's undergarments in a public setting." (108)
(CNN) Dumbass People raised an eyebrow when they heard Casey Anthony didn't report her child missing for over a month. These parents waited 10 years to report their missing 11-year-old. Or maybe 12, they're not really sure. Whatever (123)
(My San Antonio) Dumbass MySanAntonio reader threatens to cancel subscription after spotting a picture of what he felt was a same-sex couple in newspaper, saying it wanted to make him "puke all over his breakfast table." Newspaper: "It wasn't" (215)
(UPI) Weird For Sale: Lexus. Comes with 5,500 square foot luxury home in Houston (39)
(kenosha news) Weird News: Man diagnosed with inoperable brain tumor. Fark: "My only ray of hope right now is a clinical trial with the venom that's found in a giant, yellow scorpion in Israel" (41)
(Reuters) Scary Another day, another nation closes its borders to a highly contagious haemorrhagic fever. Nothing to see here, move along (59)
(Independent) Strange Your parent is assassinated. Do you (a) Vow revenge, (b) Call for peace, or (c) put on a foreign accent and release a rap video on YouTube? (55)
(London Times) Asinine Britain to start hacking people's PC's, planting keyloggers, looking for porn, lolcats  T-Shirt (146)


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